lauantai 24. tammikuuta 2015

Time for Prose Ballads: A Boy's Greatest Treasure

Tonight two of my prose ballads will be read at the spoken-word happening Victorian Condom Party. This is one of them.

A Boy’s Greatest Treasure

Have I not taught you how this world works, and what are the limitations Nature has in Her wisdom given to your sex? It is well-known that you have a straight connection from your brain – the home of the soul – to your reproductive organs, which means that one cannot be discussed without discussing about the other too. The liquid that squirts from you during sexual climax is mainly made of your spinal cord fluid – anyone can see both are silver-coloured. As a smart boy, you must understand that this means the liquid is not to be wasted. You are not like a woman: in the reproductive act you give from your own, you give your organ and your seed, while the woman merely receives it all. Even common sense says she can theoretically receive an infinite amount of these precious gifts and then mold a child in her body out of the seed she considers worthiest. A man cannot share himself like this. He has to spill his seed to the exactly right place. That is, where it is most useful – for you, and every other living and yet-to-come member in this old and noble family which is no more numerous.

As you know, men in our family are known to have unstable and maladjusted tendencies. Doctors call this condition testiclia, since they believe it is caused by testicles being over-active and thus making the man’s mind restless too. This easily creates a vicious circle: controlled by his desires and whims, the man falls to debauchery and wastes his seed, which empties the spinal cord and aggravates his disease. Until he has finally become nothing but a raving madman whom even the smallest misfortune drives out of control. Some claim every man is naturally prone to this.

The unavoidable decaying process caused by testiclia can, though, be controlled by giving the man a strong-willed and healthy-spirited spouse. One who is virtuous and skilled enough to balance her poor crazy husband by watching that he stays to the best and most natural path for him – the path of chastity – and giving him frequently some prostrate massage that has been proven to ease the symptoms of testiclia in numerous scientific tests. Moreover, she has to take good care of her own marital duties; you surely can imagine what would happen if a man did not shed his seed at all. His brain would be squeezed out of his head due to too much fluid!

And your seed is your greatest treasure and the correct sowing of it is the most important thing you can do – don’t say to me anything about some feats in some muddy battlefields somewhere. This world has myriads of war-heroes, but only a couple of children to carry on this noble bloodline! Remember: the future of the family is lying on your hips! Your silver liquid is more valuable than all the silver items in this manor, and by God, you aren’t seeing me tossing them around! You are responsible of not letting these beautiful houses, gardens and jewels get into the dirty hands of strangers. Do you understand that you are actually in charge? You are no common youth who can do whatever pleases him.

My son, do you understand now that you have to marry? And none other than the girl we have chosen for you. She can well balance your imperfections, both in reproduction and your shared everyday life. Before that you just have to take care of that your silver stays good and rich, so that you could then make numerous heirs for us all.

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